Thursday, December 23, 2010

Poem written quickly today

I need to write more blogs.

for now a poem:

Remember

Stay with your center

Don’t falter

Merge when you must

Don’t surrender

Embrace the days

Be not afraid to be lonely

Never speak dishonestly

Wear a tophat sometimes

Thank the morning for each new birth

Don’t be afraid to be vilified

Whatever you are

There were plenty before you

If you can hold true

Some will find themselves in parts of you

Let a kind word be your gift

A smile your clothing

Justice your employment

Gentleness your faith

Peace your only armor.

Monday, June 7, 2010

wow

I just noticed I have a follower today. My internet life is kinda low right now so I'm taking a break from it. When I get back I've write something for my follower, perhaps something impressively nasty...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

-

I'm writing a novella.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

"creative"

the hammer with which to bash
is called creative
as in mine is
but your is just writing

if you care it is
if you love
if it's good
it is not to be a matter of better

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Bi

When I first got the internet and spent my first hours in an IM chat room, way later than most of the United States portions of America because I'm poor, I used to sign off simply, bi. I did this for no other reason besides liking the way it looked.

Of course I get a lot of Are you gay? Confused? Bi? for it which I pretty much ignored.

Fast forward to these most recent weeks, I now realize I am bisexual. I have done a lot of mindfuck to think myself otherwise to no avail in less secure understanding of who I was.

With the help of my girlfriend and other friends I can now say I am bi and know I'm not confused and don't wish to be other than the bi man I am.

As I begun to recognize myself and have recently begun to proclaim myself I am re-remembering old fantasies, pains, doubts, and thoughts: things I had forced down and no longer wish to.

Curiously, I'm also remembering things, little things like that IM chat. Coming back to the question of being confused I know that in some ways I was. Even as an lgbtqi activist while helping people accept themselves, I hid the part of myself which was attracted to men, I wrote myself out of my fantasies or transformed that image into a woman to keep it straight. While calling on others to support and defend the equality of those who love outside hetero-dominant norms, I ignored a significant (tho not equal) desire of my own sexuality. Certainly, to these degrees I was confused.

And yet my IM-self wrote bye as bi. My myspace, facebook and other social forums listed my orientation as "no answer" until I switched them to bi as part of my healing process earlier this month. If you had asked what they said before that time, I would have been sure they said straight. I would have been sure because until recently, I was too fearful of being seen as anything but straight.

Yet and quite to my shock, they all said "no answer." Like something subconscious was waiting for the truth. It leaves me wondering how long the part of me which knew I fantasized about men, caressing men, having sex with men getting fucked by men; how long has that part been leaving clues when I only presented the other side; carressing women, having sex with women, being fucked by women? Then, was I ever confused?

It's interesting. I don't know the deeper implications. However, I can say without confusion, I like women. I like men.

Don't like it? Oh well.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Avatar-great, maybe?

copied from my post here:
http://www.manyworldsnetwork.com/profiles/blog/list?user=36dly6nyqdxcu

Hello Everyone,

I thought I should at least attempt a serious, thought-riddled, passionate, and disability empowered piece on something I truly care about. To accomplish this seriousness, I must admit as a recent BA earner in Writing and Literature, who is also out of work the only "serious" topics I know passionately are books, poems and movies. Since I talk books and poems up enough this post is in the vain of my third love, movies.

James Cameron's "Avatar" has no doubt already been heavily talked up. Some of my thought must surely be repetition. For this I apologize in advance however, It will be quite hard not to repeat some of the accolades and criticisms of the movie which has after all gained some much attention; having been called everything from a green anti war epic of Star Wars proportion and wonder to racist. I address these concerns because I find them relevant for the things stated and unstated.

Avatar is James Cameron's latest movie, soon to be the fifth worldwide in-theaters Billionth dollar profit maker and very likely the new biggest profit movie of all time, which means we're going to keep hearing about it for a long time until Cameron or some other person grows still richer by out doing it.

The Film depicts the the world of Pandora, a lash green earth-like planet with many wonders and also many dangers in the year 2154. The film is truly epic. It has many offerings for moral and ethical considerations, epic battles, a new race of very spiritual blue human-ish People the Na'vi (often addressing themselves as just-The People) a rare mineral worth maga-bucks, the clash of good and evil, oh and a main character whom is a wheelchair bound Cripple-(an affectionate term here)-well sort of, and one helluva brilliant cast including:

Sam Worthington ... Jake Sully
Zoe Saldana ... Neytiri
Sigourney Weaver ... Dr. Grace Augustine
Stephen Lang ... Colonel Miles Quaritch

and many other amazing portrayals. Regardless of my critisms, go see it.

Toward plot I'll just say Sully an ex-marine now disabled enters Pandora as an avatar in place of his brother deceased. Once there he must decide whether to help the Colonel and possible get working legs but destroy Pandora and betray Dr. Augustine's slowly earned trust; or risk all for the new life and love offered as JakeSully-Avatar-one of the Na'vi People.

Several things most be criticized about this movie though I found it amazing and the closest my generation is likely to have to a Star Wars.

The idea that this movie is Green. This has been heavily suggested and bears some merit. The People do feel LITERAL connection to their planet and certainly go out of the way to show it at times. Additionally, we learn that earth was largely destroyed without this care. At the same time while animal deaths are somewhat grieved on Pandora, much is made of the hunter-as a noble, necessary and virtuous cause without explanation. We never see animals eaten or utilized in full or part. This leaves me wondering why? Much is made of the harsh nature of Pandora by our species and to lesser degrees by the Na'vi but no harm is apparent in their mannerisms, actions, or reality before we enter. The needless hunting (I assume I heard nothing of why Na'vi hunt or how the interact with kills) of ones called "brother" and the fear of nature deminishes the message of respect and reverence, even worship.

The idea that this movie is antiwar or anti imperialist. This movie make an attempt at antiwar or anti imperialist messages. It is not in fact these things. Sully makes a statement inline with: the former liberators being now hired guns. But sense he is one an overwhelmingly longtime unrepentantly it is all preach. The Na'vi clearly kill as a tribe against outsiders, (we are not told of their life before humans ) this is war. However much they prefer peace, they go to war; war "saves" them the "bad guys" are forced out. For all the harmony hinted no other solutions are strongly proposed no Na'vi "Gandhi" even attempt to appear and warriors of which there are many and shamans-of which there is officially alike go to war. I cannot call this antiwar. Sully will even pray to the Na'vi Deity for assistance in war! I will concede it seems to attempt so much parallel with our present world history; a noble call if point new paths, but I ask where is this offered?

I will state openly that I can see the acusation by some that Avatar is racist and/or has racial undertones. The Essence article here raises the question.
http://www.essence.com/entertainment/hot_topics/does_sci-fi_blockbuster_avatar_have_a_ra.php
I will say there are African and Native American parallels made, sometime overly strongly, but as with any civilization battered heavily there are idealizations and stereotypes made. Given the obvious parallels Cameron attempts it is little wonder and at times very annoying. Additional the notion of Avatar--suggests just such a foreign savior and strong-arm dropping from the sky. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avatar so year. But if I were one of many Peoples suppressed and killed by white civilization, it would and does piss me off as a peace activist, Buddhist and human being that the savior was a White Warmonger and opportunist (I mean Marine) who abandons his team at the last for a girl, "heroship" and lastly legs.

And Legs might piss me off most, Sully is in a wheelchair. Let us assume traumatic war injury. Yet he arrives on Pandora-does for himself strongly I might add all the way to debriefing and then gets a new body, an avatar body. Forget the question of if he has the right to invade a laboratory-created body or not, and use that to invade a culture--though ain't it a good question?--while I say, What the Fuck!!!? Fowl. The Guy is a cripple five seconds and you take it away? He is willing to kill a culture for legs. He has no trouble adjusting from cripple body to stolen avatar body. And in the end he gets legs at the loss of his cripple body. it's total death finds him reborn as his avatar. Despite I might add his repentance and contribution to saving Pandora, Neytiri's love regardless, and the fact that too the very end he had a disabled self as self. The message is Ablism. Cripples or other PWDs can't be or stay strong, they are losing battle, they want to be "normal," they'd do anything for it even die. Now I KNOW I'M BIASED here. I know every disability is different and every PWDs different. I've even seen traumatic injury PWDs wanted it back and been at times wishful myself. But there is nothing "wrong" with being a Cripple. A PWD. I say at This point in my development I want nothing else. I am proud and empowered by my CP. By People like FDR (Pollio/wheelchair), Einstein (dyslexsia) Helen Keller, Josh Blue Christopher Reeve, so many poets and artists, and some many friends. Whatever I have "missed" Has more than been made up for.

To conclude see Avatar and enjoy it but do so without buying too much hype and a questioning mind.

X Jikai X

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

intro

Hi i'm

Straight edge
Vegetarian
politically left (something between an economic European socialist and a zen anarchist)
Zen Buddhist
College graduate BA
writer
poet
masochist
sexually submissive
believer in femdom
nonbeliever in marriage monogamy and God
punk
tattoo lover
asshole